saying goodbye

With the close of my business during a horrible employment market I made the decision to sell my condo in order to get some capital out of my investment. You see the self employed experiencing a down turn in business just can’t go refinance with the banks. So as I stage the home for sale I am reflective and falling in love with it all over again.

Why is it so hard to let things go? Why am I having such a hard time in saying goodbye? Why do I find it impossible to call the realtor and sign the contract? Maybe it’s because this home holds a significant place in my heart as the first place I was able to own since my divorce in 1993. I worked hard to get a broken life pulled together and to focus on achieving some pretty lofty goals made in 2000. This place is my sanctuary, a place where I feel both safe and free.

It is a place where I had my own business for five years. I enjoyed much success before the eventual fall of the furniture industry…….

I will miss this yard, the second garden I have designed, and the beautiful sunsets on the back patio. I will miss my hydrangeas and clematis collections which I adore and Connor will miss his only home and favorite place to stretch out in the sun…..

I will miss this Rose. David Austin’s Shrub Rose “Evelyn” was planted shortly after arriving in 2001. It shares the name of my mother who is responsible for planting the gardening seed in me many years ago. Mom’s ashes are sprinkled beneath this rose among the campanula.......

My family has shared many holidays here and I have attempted to form new traditions.

Intellectually I can recognize that career and living changes might be good for me now. But I am just waiting for my heart to follow my head. Because the heart is hurting just a tad right now……


vtpuggirl said...

I could just cry for you right now. Is there anything else you can do? Refinance or something? Anything? And I don't know which breaks my heart more, the fact that you are losing your wonderful and cherished home, or your business that you built from the ground up. So unfair, this economy has so many hurting. Praying for you. Hugs.

LeeLeeHaHa said...

My dear,

One door closes and another one opens . . .

You will discover new aspects of yourself in your new environment. This is your opportunity to leave behind those habits, ideas, routines that no longer serve you, and may, in fact, be keeping you from achieving the new dreams you have.

Yes, it hurts, yes, it is scary, but I can assure you, you will find new things to love about your new environment.